revising with Williams

Bad Example:

General education is the core of an undergraduate education. It is general in that it provides students with a comprehensive educational experience and prepares them for study within their major. General education teaches students to think critically and communicate effectively; it provides an introduction to the methodologies and practices of the academic disciplines; it promotes intellectual curiosity and a love of learning.

Fixed:

In undergraduate education, general education is the core. General, comprehensive, educational experience; as well as major related study are provided for the student. Critical thinking, effective communication, methodologies, intellectual curiosity, academic discipline and a love of learning are taught to students.


The original passage was very confusing to read. I reread it several times before what I was looking at started to sink in. It seemed like all of the sentences were backward. It ruined the flow of the passage.

My goal was to make it more readable, so I attempted to shift the emphasis in order to make each sentence match the one before it. By putting the emphasis of each sentence to the left, the less important goes to the right, and the sentences are more clean. The shift of information also provides a rhythm that helps you retain the information within.